This week took me back to the ocean, and wow, have I missed it.
When I first lost my dad, I was in Brazil, and the sea became such a comfort.
If you love the beach, you’ll know that feeling of being present with its sounds, its constant flow – it is like a gentle, loving reminder that wherever you’re at with grief, it will change.
And let me tell you, on the days when it’s big, that loving reminder is a saviour!
I met an Argentinian a few days after I found out the news. We spent some time at the beach, and he told me how he got in the sea daily.
“You know, like in the UK people have to drink coffee daily, the sea is my coffee.”
I loved this because there’s something nourishing about stepping into the sea. I think there’s some science behind why it’s good for you!!
So I tried to get there each day, and it became therapy!
I would watch the waves, sometimes strong, wild, and scary! Sometimes gentle, calm, and welcoming.
Always shifting.
And it became a perfect analogy for my process of grief.
I’ve not spoken much about this story, and it’s been some time now – I actually lost a friend. She was missing for some time, and she was found at sea.
This was, and still is, one of the most traumatic situations my brain has ever had to process.
There’s been a resistance to my love for the ocean since.
Yet also a solid reminder of its vastness and the depth of this life.
Over the past month, I’ve fully been in that depth of life, experiencing the most incredible moments and places in this world.
There was a period in my life where, after living in extremes, I chose the middle path.
The peaceful way.
What felt safe.
But now I recognise that part of the reason I stayed there was because I didn’t yet trust myself to handle what might happen if life pulled me slightly off balance again.
I thought safety was the answer.
But life isn’t meant to only be lived in calm waters.
If we truly want to experience the fullness of life, we have to be willing to step beyond comfort sometimes, to dive into oceans that feel vast, unknown, and bigger than us.
That’s how resilience is built.
That’s how we expand our capacity.
We learn that no matter how far beyond our comfort zone we go, we can adjust, adapt, and create a new normal.
This week brought me back to the ocean, and I can’t explain the rhythm of my heart as the sun was setting right over it and the sound of the waves soothed my spirit.
The waves pulled me in, and the rocky terrain knocked me down – yet the salty air brought me alive.
I was talked into a surf, and I unconvincingly agreed.
50 minutes in – on the board, off the board under the water, resting as the sun set, and actually riding the waves 🌊
My love for the ocean was back.
It was like insight again into how grief moves.
In no straight line.
In all the deep sadness of loss,life had handed me, it’s also given me a deep courage to live, to not take this precious life for granted, and to keep those losses close to my heart, to share the love I have for them through the ways I open to life.
As I head back to the mountains for a while, I’m fully accepting that I’m a beach girl, and already dreaming of the next ocean my feet step in 💚
Leave Your Comment